The Life I Left Behind

No one can save me,
I'm all alone,
I have no one.
I have to fight this war
All by myself.

I'm going to fail,
I'm going to die.
I'm going to give up.
I can't escape the sound
Of my enemy's screams,
Only to realize that the
Screams are my own.

My knees hit the floor,
And I lay there,
Scared to move,
Scared to breathe.

I'm scared of myself.
No one can make me better,
They've all tried and failed.

I'm a lost cause.
I'm not able to be found.
No one can hear me scream,
No one knows the monster I really am.

I need to find a way to escape this pain.
I've tried everything...
I know there's one more thing I haven't tried...

But I'm terrified to attempt it.
I'm scared I'll fail at it,
Just like I've failed at everything else.
But I know I have to do it.
Nothing else will work.

I write the note out,
Telling everyone I'm sorry,
Wishing I could change things,
Telling them I love them
And that it's not their fault,
That it's mine...

I sit alone,
My back pressed
Against a wall,
A bottle of whiskey
In my shaking hand.
I'm trying to numb myself
So that way I won't back out
Of doing this...
I've gotten this far,
Why stop now?

I tie the noose,
And slip it over my head,
Where it now rests around my neck.
I'm standing on a chair,
Waiting for my heart to stop
Hammering inside my chest...

I take a deep breath,
Knowing it will be my last,
And I look at the picture I hold
In my trembling hands,
A picture of the only boy I've ever loved,
And I can feel tears stream down my face.

I whisper I'm sorry and I love you.
Then I kick the chair over...

Suddenly I realize that I can still see
My lifeless body,
But I wonder why.

Then I look behind me,
And see Death himself standing,
His arms outstretched to embrace me.

I take one last look at myself,
My body swinging by the end of the rope,
My eyes dead and my skin cold as ice.
I look at the note that's fallen on the floor.

Then I look at Death,
And walk towards Him,
And I know nothing more
Of the life I once led...